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Author Topic: UK council complaint letters  (Read 3053 times)
Halfloaf
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« on: November 11, 2005, 08:57:14 AM »

These are (I am told!) genuine clips from UK council complaint letters:

1.. It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow.

2.. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3.. I wish to complain that my father burnt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4.. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

5.. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6..My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

7.. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

8.. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9.. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

10.. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.

11.. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

12.. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

13..Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

14..Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

15..I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

16..The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

17..Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

18..I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19..Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

20.. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

21.. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

22.. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

23..He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
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Civic_Vtec
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« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2005, 10:39:58 AM »

16..The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.


LMAO  :lol:
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jamieg
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« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2005, 12:31:10 PM »

lol good stuff, the people who complain about stuff like this deserve to be made fools of, especially when they say stuff like that.
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chrisdicko
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« Reply #3 on: November 11, 2005, 01:18:52 PM »

LMAO, there ace!
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JDMEp2
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« Reply #4 on: November 11, 2005, 02:12:27 PM »

thats qaulity Cheesy
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Gord
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« Reply #5 on: November 13, 2005, 10:09:39 PM »

Quote
10.. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.


LOL
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Dynax
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« Reply #6 on: November 18, 2005, 10:19:02 AM »

:lol:  :lol:
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EP02JAY
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« Reply #7 on: March 09, 2007, 05:43:59 PM »

This thread is too funny....it must be reserected!

ROFL @ every quote  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
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Naitsirk
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« Reply #8 on: January 16, 2009, 11:04:22 AM »

lol  Grin
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3l8l1h0x1w0
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« Reply #9 on: March 18, 2012, 07:28:12 PM »

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bwxabvnhvl
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« Reply #10 on: March 22, 2012, 10:22:56 PM »

         There is something oddly intimate about the relationship between consumers and their iPods. In fact, it is easy to say there is something oddly intimate about Mac users and their Macs in general. For years Mac has presented itself as a niche for creatives. Perhaps after the mainstreaming of iPods and iTunes it is time for Mac to move on and show the computer market what it is made of. We at Stealing Share argue that Mac is made up of a lot more than creativity, superior art programs, and amazing product/packaging design. Mac is made of business solutions.
 
          Being a company who worships the Mac system and who must constantly accommodate clients who are not within driving distance, we are constantly utilizing Mac? well-organized systems of iChat, iSight, and Entourage. Even though these programs work well with clients who are across the country, we find these programs useful internally and with local clients who may not have time for face-to-face meetings. In fact, we provide a lender iBook to our clients so we can communicate via the Mac system.
 
          Of course PCs have audio/visual systems, the ever-troublesome Outlook Express,abercroombie, and AIM, but what Mac offers to ?he tech savvy?businessman is more than superior programming, it is the Apple brand. Positioning Macs as business tools could be compared to the positioning of the Blackberry phone. The Blackberry phone has had great success with businessmen who want to stay connected at all times.
 
          Our suggestion to Macintosh: invest in your brand. Mac only has a mere four share in today? computer market, and that is a travesty. While other brands such as Dell and Gateway blend even more into the broad PC spectrum, Mac continues to produce effective and elegant products. The opportunity for Mac to steal market share is wide open.
 
          The largest task to tackle before positioning a brand is, of course,lunettes de soleil, the research and consumer insight. In order for Mac to position itself as the business tool every serious businessman cannot go without, Mac would have to test this precept (or belief) in the market. This research would include both current Mac users as well as non-users. Finding a way to present the brand accordingly always involves a lot of careful questions and plenty of consumer perspective.
 
          As it stands in the market, Mac brands evoke a feeling of creativity and innovation. Even when iPod became a mainstream product, every iPod owner still felt special for owning one. Anyone in the field of art and design and even advertising will swear by the Mac because it makes special effort to accommodate their industry. Mac knows creative. What Mac fails to capitalize upon is the fact that it could know ?usiness?as well. You do not have to be an artist or proficient in Photoshop and InDesign to benefit from a Mac. Any office would benefit from the consistent, smooth functioning of Macs.
 
          Often the consumer asks about the ?ver-pricing?of Macs. To this we can answer best with examples. There is no way all PC users can say they do not stand by brands such as Tide, Campbell? Soup, Pepto-Bismal,louboutin, or Nike. People buy brands. People will pay up to three times more for Nike running shoes because it is Nike. People will buy Coke or over Grocery Store brand cola because they believe it is better and more about them. People recall brands and make associations that never disappear from their memories.
 
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          It is not price that keeps Macs in a world of their own. A lack of knowledge is the culprit behind Mac? inability to grow in the computer market and to increase their market share. It is amazing how many people are not aware of Mac programs that would directly impact their business productivity. For example,louboutin pas cher, Keynote, a Mac only program, has capabilities far exceeding Power Point, a program used by almost every office every day. Hardly anyone in the business world uses Keynote, yet the program is the finest electronic presentation program available. Keynote, like Macs in general, is simply more professional.
 
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          Molly Sunderdick
Brand Strategist
Stealing Share Inc
 
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