Some funnies

>Subject: Winter blonde
>
>
>
> As a lorry driver in Essex stops for a red light, a blonde in her
>car
> pulls up alongside. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his lorry,
>and
> knocks on the door.
>
> The driver lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is
> Sharon and you are losing some of your load."
>
> The lorry driver ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the
> truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up She
>jumps
> out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the lorry
>driver lowers
> the window.
>
> As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name
>is
> Sharon, and you are losing some of your load!"
>
> Shaking his head, the lorry driver ignores her again and continues
>down
> the street.
>
> At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of
>breath,
> the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the cab door.
>
> The lorry driver lowers the window.
>
> Again she says "Hi, my name is Sharon and you are losing some of
>your
> load!"
>
> When the light turns green, the lorry revs up and races to the next
> light.
>
> When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the lorry, and
>runs
> back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it,
>he
> says "Hi, my name is Kevin and I'm driving a f*****g gritter!"
>
>>>Subject: FW: who's the boss
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
>>>
>>>As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his
>>>trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on."
>>>
>>>She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
>>>
>>>"I can't wear your trousers." she said.
>>>
>>>"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the
>>>man who wears the pants in this family."
>>>
>>>With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
>>>
>>>He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his
>>>kneecaps.
>>>
>>>"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"
>>>She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until
>>>your attitude changes."
>>>
>>>Subject: FW: snappy answers
>>>
>>>
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >Snappy Answer #1
>>> >
>>> >A flight attendant was stationed at the departure
>>> >gate to check tickets.
>>> >As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
>>> >ticket and he opened his
>>> >trench coat and flashed her.
>>> >
>>> >Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see
>>> >your ticket, not your
>>> >stub."
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > S nappy Answer #2
>>> >
>>> >A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
>>> >grocery store, but
>>> >couldn't find one big enough for her family.
>>> >She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any
>>> >bigger?"
>>> >
>>> >The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >Snappy Answer #3
>>> >
>>> >The cop got out of his car and the kid who was
>>> >stopped for speeding rolled
>>> >down his window.
>>> >"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
>>> >
>>> >The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I
>>> >could."
>>> >
>>> >When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the
>>> >kid on his way without a
>>> >ticket.
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >Snappy Answer #4
>>> >
>>> >A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A
>>> >sign comes up that reads
>>> >"Low Bridge Ahead."
>>> >Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him
>>> >and he gets stuck under
>>> >the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a
>>> >police car comes up.
>>> >The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the
>>> >truck driver, puts his
>>> >hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
>>> >
>>> >The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this
>>> >bridge and I ran out of
>>> >gas."
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >Snappy Answer #5
>>> >
>>> >A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A
>>> >single agent was rebooking
>>> >a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an
>>> >angry passenger pushed
>>> >his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on
>>> >the counter and said, "I
>>> >HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be "FIRST
>>> >CLASS."
>>> >
>>> >The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to
>>> >try to help you, but
>>> >I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure
>>> >we'll be able to work
>>> >something out."
>>> >
>>> >The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so
>>> >that the passengers
>>> >behind him could hear,
>>> >"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
>>> >
>>> >Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her
>>> >public address
>>> >microphone.
>>> >"May I have your attention please," she began, her
>>> >voice heard clearly
>>> >throughout the terminal.
>>> >"We have a passenger here at Gate 14 who does not
>>> >know who he is".
>>> >"If anyone can help him find his identity, please
>>> >come to Gate 14".
>>> >
>>> >With the folks behind him in line laughing
>>> >hysterically, the man glared at
>>> >the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F***
>>> >you!"
>>> >
>>> >Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry,
>>> >sir, but you'll have to
>>> >get in line for that, too."
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >And the VERY BEST snappy answer ....
>>> >
>>> >Snappy Answer #6
>>> >
>>> >THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
>>> >
>>> >A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's
>>> >final exam. "Now class, I
>>> >won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
>>> >tomorrow. I might consider
>>> >a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
>>> >illness, or a death in your
>>> >immediate family but that's it, no other excuses
>>> >whatsoever!"
>>> >
>>> >A smart-a*s guy in the back of the room raises his
>>> >hand and asks, "What
>>> >would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering
>>> >from complete and utter
>>> >sexual exhaustion?"
>>> >
>>> >The entire class does its best to stifle their
>>> >laughter and snickering.
>>> >When silence is restored, the teacher smiles
>>> >sympathetically at the student,
>>> >shakes her head, and sweetly says,"Well, I guess
>>> >you'd have to write the
>>> >exam with your other hand."
>>>
>>>